You Keep Sayin’ No, No, No, No, No – When It’s really still No No No No No

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This is my second time writing this post. The first version was poetic and filled with mystery. “Was she really talking about what I think she’s talking about?”.

I’m on the subway now. I am on my Iphone working to try and flesh it all out but I re-read it and I hated it. WTF am I even talking about? referencing the Phoenix and the death of dreams. I honestly ask myself who I think I even am a few times a week. Maybe when I started writing I was still in pain and couldn’t find my words. Let’s go with that.

Well I have found them now. I also have found the purpose of this post ( besides publicly bitching to make myself feel better – let’s be real).

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When I began the process for auditioning for Soulcycle (December 2013) I googled A LOT. What was the process like? How did people succeed? How did they fail? There were a few blog posts* and articles. A search now will yield even more information including a New Yorker article published early last month with interviews with much of the training team who I had spent the last 3 years taking class with.

What’s missing out there is MY story.

Not that my story is unique – there are a lot of people out there (I’m sure?) who have auditioned as many times as I have but there is no one writing about it. There is no one out there letting all the others know that it’s okay to fail and to put yourself out there as many times as you can actually stand it – and still not succeed in getting what you want.

*sigh*

First of all let’s not pretend for one second that I am over any of this. I had to physically unsubscribe from the email list, and unfollow anyone who works there off of Facebook to stop the sting. I don’t want to say I’ll never go back to class but I’m an overly emotional person and it hurts so much I need distance.

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I am breaking up with you Soulcycle.

You never wanted to be with me anyway.

(DRAMATIC)

Here is the number:

I auditioned for the SoulCycle training program 6 times over 2.5 years.

I am not going to take this space to speculate on the WHY’S I never made it to the second round of interviews or the “callback”- because that sends me down a rabbit hole of self doubt. Instead I’m going to just accept that I am not what they wanted and don’t expect I ever will be since I don’t plan on changing any part of myself (except maybe my hair color).

But Here is the good part: I auditioned for Soulcycle SIX TIMES!

I did not give up after 1,2,3,4,5 Rejections emails ( The same email in fact)

I kept going. I kept riding, I kept trying to improve my body and in the end I rode front and center in every class. I had strangers telling me how good I was, how much fun I was to ride next to, and how I helped them keep the beat.

For someone who grew up not knowing right from left ( I have dyscalculia – directional dyslexia to put it simply) this is one of my greatest accomplishments. Soulcycle became physical therapy… for my brain. No rejection email can ever take that away from me.

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This is some Instagram Real-ness

There are few dreams I’ve had that I’ve wanted as badly as to be a Soulcycle instructor:

1. To be Mimi in RENT ( luckily I still look young so still a chance)

2. To be with Adam ( we are married, check)

3. To get into NYU & FIT (check,check)

Because I learned that working hard and showing up can often yield positive results that’s what I did, and I fell in love. I used every positive affirmation, candle spell, manifestation trick in the book and here I am with another rejection email in my trash folder. Maybe there is something else I need to be doing right now, and I should just accept that. I can say with 100% confidence that I tried as many times as my heart could handle.

If you had asked me 2 years ago I would say

NEVER STOP

NEVER GIVE UP

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But at 31 years old I have reached a point where if something is not working I need to try something else- or go a different way. I have no more energy, anger or tears for this.

If you have auditioned for Soulcycle (or anything really) and gotten that email. With no explanation and no why’s – don’t give up. Keep going until you physically can’t, keep trying until you can’t breathe. Put every ounce of your energy and life and soul into your dreams until they come true in the way you want or in ways you never even thought possible.

Put yourself out there! Even if it’s to the same people all 6 times and they know your name. Show them how you shine even when you’re terrified of failure.

My heart is full because I know I did my best and because of all the support and love around me and that helps the sharp stabs of pain I sometimes still feel. Is it sadness? Is it ego? Is it envy? Yes for sure, all of that, but I wouldn’t go back and change a thing

xoxo

*Hallie Wilson Is a Chicago based Soulcycle Instructor who runs the awesome fashion blog Corals & Cognacs. I had the pleasure of auditioning with her in August 2014 and she made it through on her second try. Her story is awesome!

thriftyfashionista

One Comment

  1. Well–they probably missed on one of the most passionate instructors they would be lucky enough to have. I totally understand your decision to finally give up the fight. I don’t think I would have been as resilient as you dear one. Your story reminds me of Mel Blanks. You probably know his story. For two years he banged on doors to get an audition for voice overs. Each time they said we have all the voices we need. It was not until the guy died that was in charge that he got a break. The rest is history and his legacy has never been topped. He became the best know voice, or should I say voices, in the world. I am very impressed with you and have no doubt you will have other dreams come true. Your batting average looks pretty good. Start R&BCycle, BoldCycle, You have enough experience now to go other places and do your own thing as an instructor. Make them eat their words.

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